Questioning the Solo

If I had the chance, I'd certainly like to know his thoughts as well. I mean, how do you keep it real when you're that cool?

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2004/11/17allen.html

"Great Players Make Great Plays"

The above title quote can be attributed to the immortal Joe Theismann, he of past Redskin glory and formerly of the ESPN Sunday night football crew. He is now joining Al Michaels in the Monday Night Football booth (which will be on ESPN), as John Madden will depart for the NBC Sunday night game.

ESPN Story

Put aside for the moment that on the whole, football commentating is, well, awful. My man Dr. Z writes one of my favorite yearly columns and can explain it far better than I:

Dr. Z's Annual Announcer Rankings

There are a few interesting points about this reorganization (since they ultimately all work for the same company - Disney).

1. Theismann has some credentials, and he also loves the sound of his own voice. One of the classic moments on the Don & Mike Show (#1 DC radio program in fact, if not statistics) is when they would have him on weekly to give his perspective on the upcoming games. One week they decided to test a theory when he called in on the phone for his weekly summary- after asking him an open-ended question, they then left the room and waited to see how long he would drone on before realizing that nobody was on the other end of the line. It took quite a while.

2. Theismann has been part of the absolute worst announcing crew for the past few years, sharing the booth with Mike Patrick and Paul Maguire. Patrick would probably be competent enough on his own, but with blowhards Theismann (who usually has at least a few bits of info to share) and Maguire (whose great insights consist of, "I want you to watch something right here. Watch it now, now watch this!") this was a rare case of negative synergy. They were just unbarable at times.

3. With only Michaels in the booth, Theismann only has to worry about being contradicted by one guy instead of two.

4. At least Theismann will feel comfortable speaking extemporaneously when MNF is showing a meaningless blowout game in week 15.

5. Here is the most interesting component - Maguire is going to do a 2 HOUR pregame show with Chris Berman. My word, it's like the blathering orca twins. Maguire's mark on the game as a player was that of a punter. Is it any wonder why he has nothing to add? That would be like asking Todd Sauerbrun to explain the nuances of the cover 2. And btw, how was Dierdorf not available for this stint? That would have been perfect - Berman, Maguire, and Dierdorf. Berman would say something unfunny like "Order me a Rothlisberger!" and then they would all giggle and gyrate together. That's the best damn sports show, period.

post script: I can never shake the feeling that Maguire looks like the 'jump to conclusions' guy from the movie "Office Space. " "I'm a people person, dammit!"

The Lament of the Discounted

Waiting, wrestless, hoping not, yet hoping still
I gaze through the looking glass of steel
Time, oh time! Time will come against my will
Reveal me, expose me, reason my deal

Pounding feet, oily skin, sticky fingers explore
Arms, legs, and neck, you fill my chest
Use me, abuse me, wear me, tear me more
Until I am spent, a worn sweater downcast

Avert your eyes, oh discounted and faded soul
The gap is too deep, too far, too great
And no, compare me not, to a Republic of gold
In mercy unmend me, do not be late

For when will Neverland cease to be?
You selfish youth, you ravage me.

Aristotle vs. St. Hubbins

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
-Aristotle

"I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human, than someone who doesn't believe anything."
-David St. Hubbins, lead singer of 'Spinal Tap'